In response to numerous requests for HubPages apparel, gear, and shwag, at long last we offer our debut line of HubPages goods.
The HubPages Tee
Shield onlookers from your middle with this American Apparel fifty percent cotton, fifty percent polyester tee. Men’s and women’s sizes small through extra-large. $20.00.
The HubPages Mug
Don’t be fooled—this styrofoam-looking receptacle is spectacular! Made from double-walled porcelain, you’ll be the toast of the water cooler, and that attractive administrator you’ve had your eye on will become giddy with anticipation. One sip and you’ll be on a boat ride to ecstasy island. $10.00.
Stickers
Do you like sticky things? Of course. We all do, just don’t tell the wife. HubPages stickers are stickers that say HubPages on them. Made from 100% endangered species bone marrow, you can rest assured knowing this sticky critter will cling to most anything… except your own dignity. In white, black, and white on black. $2.00.
The HubPages Fanny Pack
Do you like carrying things but hate getting caught with your hands in your pockets? I don’t, but this isn’t about me. The HubPages fanny pack lets you live out your fantasy of light city toting without the hassle or price tag of a briefcase. Watch as your friends compliment you on your “go-anywhere,” “do-what?” style. Moms and step dads agree, there’s no better way to embarrass your child. $18.99.
The HubPages Turd Furnace®
Do you have a dog? Chances are, he excretes a smelly substance known as fecal matter. This waste product can be a fragrant challenge to creatively destroy. Let your conscious be your guide, with HubPages’ new Turd Furnace®. Make short work of your dog’s short work and save yourself thousands on trash can liners, soiled carpet and rueened shoes. And don’t tell the wife, but it works on human feces too! $38,999.00.
The HubPages Toaster Fork
If you’re like me, you hate how your toaster never wants to give up that toast when it’s done. You romance it, tell it you’re sorry, you won’t do that again, she meant nothing… we’re still talking about toast here right? Well hold those canned lines, and step up like a Big Dog with Hubpages Toaster Forks. No matter what that bread has done, this is a sure fire way to coax it out of that warm little slot and teach it a lesson in morals. Your toast should know it’s place. Keep it in line with Hubpages Toaster Forks. They’d be a deal at $19.99, but they’re actually twice that.
HubPages Brand Piano Hampsters
Are you sick of paying “professionals” top dollar to tune grandma’s old piano? Unleash the power of nature and watch as Hubpages Brand Piano Hamsters get the job done in no time! Our Piano Hamsters are bred with perfect pitch, dust attracting fur, and super strong forearms for tightening down those tough knobby things. Each Piano Hamster comes with a flashlight and helmet to ensure his safety and your piece of mind. Let God’s most wonderous hamster creation work his magic on your upright, baby grand and even concert grand piano! Supply is limited, the time is now and yesterday was already too late. Get yours two weeks ago. Cats will be refused orders, and trust me, we’ll know it’s you (“Meow, I’d like a Piano Hamster, meow. What meow? I’m not a cat!”). 100,000¥.
That does it for our spring 2010 line. Is something for which you’re looking not on the list? Please direct all suggestions (in the form of watercolor paintings) to:
James Edmondson
HubPages
95 Minna Street, Floor 3
San Francisco, Ca 94105
We are very excited about our Fall 2012 collection, which is due out next month.
HubPages Blog 
April fool!!!!!
I would have believed the tees and the mugs, but turd furnace and hamster thingymajig…..hahahahahahahaa!
wow – I have a Chihuahua who could sh*t for America – that Turd Furnace is looking pretty good to me! As for the “The HubPages Toaster Fork” – well my daughter always shouts that I’m gonna kill myself doing this one day – so I may as well do it in style and use a Hubpage fork – well I can leave her my Hubpage account and she can write all about it!
Wayne? What do you mean April Fools? I’m ordering my Turd Furnace right now – should save me a fortune over the years!
Got it. Note to self… tell the wife nothing!
Had me all sorts of excited. ha
By the way guys a cafepress store would be cheap and you could get some moola. I see where there is one t-shirt available, but it looks like an older design.
I want the turd furnace!
But I really want to get a HP Toaster Fork for everyone on the HubNuggetts Team…
Woohoo! I’ve been in the market for a new turd furnace! And it’s only 38 grand, so I can pay for it with part of next month’s Adsense money. Suhweet!
Don’t need the piano tuner, but I would love one of those tiny tiny little maglites.
Are they an accessory only? Or can I buy one without the Ham(p)ster? (I miss the hampster dance, don’t you?)
I think these are great! I don’t have the room for a turd furnace at the moment, but I reckon they’d come in handy.
I first thought hubpages cafepress t-shirt a possibility but then realized it’s 1st april when i checked “The HubPages Turd Furnace” …. 😀
This is spectacular! Unfortunately, where I live we cannot have the Turd Furnace, darn HOAs.
OMG I want that hamster. How cute is he…..and to think I thought I could never love a rodent 😉
I don’t know… stickers all round, mayhap?
I kinda wanted the fork. It would be small and subtle enough to have in the workplace – like a writing talisman 🙂
Waiting for the turd toaster.
LOL. I’d buy a shirt!
I have my eye on that piano tuning hampster! I work in the music department at a local University and there are a whole lot of pianos to tune. He,he, he….funny stuff. Thanks for the chuckles!
I have some suggestions for future HubPages product lines:
HP Balls – “Don’t leave home or golf without them!”
Hub-a-Bub-Dub —-HubPages Suds……”Keeping it Clean”
I would love a turd furnace with the HubPages logo but could you be subtly implying that we Hubbers are not good writers and produce crap?
Perhaps we should leave these products to other content sites. What about the FaecesBook Furnace? Or the Squidoo doo Furnace?
Anyway, much as i’d love one I’ll settle for the toaster fork.
So, I’ve re-read this and how do I order?
Do you take PayPal?
OH NO!!!! NOT A FANNY PACK!!!!
Lmao! Loved this. Turd Furnace had me yelling at my husband to come here and look. : )
I like t-shirt, but color is black.
Are these available in Pakistan?
This is such a great idea, I would love to have the thermas, for tea and stuff.
That Hamster is SOO cute! I am IN LOVE!
😀
It was the ‘turd furnace’ that did it. Otherwise, I was seriously considering ordering the t-shirt, and wondering about the mug.
Actually, I really am interested in a HubPages t-shirt – where can I get one? I’ve seen other people wearing them.
Camlo – host a HubCamp with at least 10 attendees, and I’ll send you one for free! 🙂
Darn I wanted the white on blue sticker. Says it is no longer available.
Well shouldn’t have waited until almost Halloween. Does that turd furnace work for leaves? It seems like there are more this year than ever before.