In response to numerous requests for HubPages apparel, gear, and shwag, at long last we offer our debut line of HubPages goods.
The HubPages Tee
Shield onlookers from your middle with this American Apparel fifty percent cotton, fifty percent polyester tee. Men’s and women’s sizes small through extra-large. $20.00.
The HubPages Mug
Don’t be fooled—this styrofoam-looking receptacle is spectacular! Made from double-walled porcelain, you’ll be the toast of the water cooler, and that attractive administrator you’ve had your eye on will become giddy with anticipation. One sip and you’ll be on a boat ride to ecstasy island. $10.00.
Do you like sticky things? Of course. We all do, just don’t tell the wife. HubPages stickers are stickers that say HubPages on them. Made from 100% endangered species bone marrow, you can rest assured knowing this sticky critter will cling to most anything… except your own dignity. In white, black, and white on black. $2.00.
The HubPages Fanny Pack
Do you like carrying things but hate getting caught with your hands in your pockets? I don’t, but this isn’t about me. The HubPages fanny pack lets you live out your fantasy of light city toting without the hassle or price tag of a briefcase. Watch as your friends compliment you on your “go-anywhere,” “do-what?” style. Moms and step dads agree, there’s no better way to embarrass your child. $18.99.
The HubPages Turd Furnace®
Do you have a dog? Chances are, he excretes a smelly substance known as fecal matter. This waste product can be a fragrant challenge to creatively destroy. Let your conscious be your guide, with HubPages’ new Turd Furnace®. Make short work of your dog’s short work and save yourself thousands on trash can liners, soiled carpet and rueened shoes. And don’t tell the wife, but it works on human feces too! $38,999.00.
The HubPages Toaster Fork
If you’re like me, you hate how your toaster never wants to give up that toast when it’s done. You romance it, tell it you’re sorry, you won’t do that again, she meant nothing… we’re still talking about toast here right? Well hold those canned lines, and step up like a Big Dog with Hubpages Toaster Forks. No matter what that bread has done, this is a sure fire way to coax it out of that warm little slot and teach it a lesson in morals. Your toast should know it’s place. Keep it in line with Hubpages Toaster Forks. They’d be a deal at $19.99, but they’re actually twice that.
HubPages Brand Piano Hampsters
Are you sick of paying “professionals” top dollar to tune grandma’s old piano? Unleash the power of nature and watch as Hubpages Brand Piano Hamsters get the job done in no time! Our Piano Hamsters are bred with perfect pitch, dust attracting fur, and super strong forearms for tightening down those tough knobby things. Each Piano Hamster comes with a flashlight and helmet to ensure his safety and your piece of mind. Let God’s most wonderous hamster creation work his magic on your upright, baby grand and even concert grand piano! Supply is limited, the time is now and yesterday was already too late. Get yours two weeks ago. Cats will be refused orders, and trust me, we’ll know it’s you (“Meow, I’d like a Piano Hamster, meow. What meow? I’m not a cat!”). 100,000¥.
That does it for our spring 2010 line. Is something for which you’re looking not on the list? Please direct all suggestions (in the form of watercolor paintings) to:
95 Minna Street, Floor 3
San Francisco, Ca 94105
We are very excited about our Fall 2012 collection, which is due out next month.